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one liners - funny

• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever!
Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?

• A French guest, staying in a hotel in New York, phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!" said the Frenchman.

• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together

• Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

• Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.

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