1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
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2. Daryl Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
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3. Glenn McGrath and Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.
McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a cookie."
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
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4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't ******* bat" Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't ******* bat & you can't ******* bowl."
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5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a ** bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
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6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me? In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say **** off."
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7. Ian Healy and Arjuna Ranatunga (aka fatatunga)
And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, ****!!!"
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8. James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW: "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
JO: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"
***************************
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Glenn McGrath was watching Sarwan and Lara having a fine partnership, patting each other on the back so he said to Sarwan, "So what does Brian Lara's **** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
***************************
10. Mark Waugh and Adam Parore
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were **** then, you're ******* useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly *** & now I hear you've married her. You dumb ****".
***************************
11. Ranatunga and Healy
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." Ranatunga is believed to have replied, "I'd try but Boonie (who was fielding at bat-pad) would get there first".
***************************
12. Ravi Shastri
Ravi Shastri v/s the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease I'll break your ******* head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the ******* 12th man"
***************************
13. Malcolm Marshall and David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
***************************
14. Fred Trueman
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.
***************************
15. Greg Thomas and Viv Richards: (also credited again to Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock)
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.
Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it.
***************************
16. Jamie Siddons
Jamie Siddons (considered one of the best players never to have played Test Cricket for Australia) was fielding at first slip and the batsman was fidgeting around and basically taking his sweet time to face up.
Siddons: "For ********s sake, It's not a ****** Test Match"
Batsman turning round: "Obviously - You're here!"
***************************
17. Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
***************************
18 Merv Hughes and umpire dickie bird
Merv asks dickie how man balls he has bowled that particular over. (An over being 6 balls)
Merv: How many is that?
Dickie Bird: 3
Merv: 3 gone or 3 to come?
Dickie: 3 gone, 4 to come as I am going to no ball you for being a ****************
***************************
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
***************************
2. Daryl Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
***************************
3. Glenn McGrath and Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.
McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a cookie."
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.
***************************
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't ******* bat" Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't ******* bat & you can't ******* bowl."
***************************
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a ** bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
***************************
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me? In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say **** off."
***************************
7. Ian Healy and Arjuna Ranatunga (aka fatatunga)
And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, ****!!!"
***************************
8. James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......
MW: "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
JO: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"
***************************
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Glenn McGrath was watching Sarwan and Lara having a fine partnership, patting each other on the back so he said to Sarwan, "So what does Brian Lara's **** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
***************************
10. Mark Waugh and Adam Parore
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were **** then, you're ******* useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly *** & now I hear you've married her. You dumb ****".
***************************
11. Ranatunga and Healy
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." Ranatunga is believed to have replied, "I'd try but Boonie (who was fielding at bat-pad) would get there first".
***************************
12. Ravi Shastri
Ravi Shastri v/s the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease I'll break your ******* head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the ******* 12th man"
***************************
13. Malcolm Marshall and David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
***************************
14. Fred Trueman
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.
***************************
15. Greg Thomas and Viv Richards: (also credited again to Ricky Ponting and Shaun Pollock)
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.
Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it.
***************************
16. Jamie Siddons
Jamie Siddons (considered one of the best players never to have played Test Cricket for Australia) was fielding at first slip and the batsman was fidgeting around and basically taking his sweet time to face up.
Siddons: "For ********s sake, It's not a ****** Test Match"
Batsman turning round: "Obviously - You're here!"
***************************
17. Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
***************************
18 Merv Hughes and umpire dickie bird
Merv asks dickie how man balls he has bowled that particular over. (An over being 6 balls)
Merv: How many is that?
Dickie Bird: 3
Merv: 3 gone or 3 to come?
Dickie: 3 gone, 4 to come as I am going to no ball you for being a ****************
***************************
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